


Lost me

by sasageyowrites



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heavy Angst, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:29:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27899128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasageyowrites/pseuds/sasageyowrites
Summary: After having been in love with your best friend and captain for years it only tears you apart as you watch him fall for somebody else and eventually confront him.
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi/Petra Ral, Levi/Reader
Comments: 7
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Uploaded from my Tumblr sasageyowrites

Disclaimer: I don’t own AoT my life would amazing if I did, I don’t own you because ew people, I also don’t know the GIF below because I can’t even work my own tv sometimes there’s no way I can make a GIF.

Warnings: angst, swearing, sexual references

Please don’t repost, 

image  
Originally posted by tatakaeeren

Levi x reader  
...

It is that everyone dies alone.

Does that scare you?

I don’t wanna be alone.

…

It was midnight.

It was always midnight when you woke up.

The sky outside a navy blue canvas speckled with painted white stars, the moon a silver jewel in the sky, as it cast its pools of white light onto the world below. A cool breeze seeped through the cracks of the stone walls of the old HQ; the green curtains rippling in the fingers of the air that continued to circulate through the small bedroom.

You lay staring at the ceiling, the dark blinding you to anything that lurked in the room with you. The bed sheets wrapped tightly around your body as the quiet ambience of the blacked out room tried to ease your aching heart. The silver beams of moonlight peeking through the gaps in the curtains, casting your bedroom in streams of light and you could see that Petra’s bed was empty.

You weren’t surprised, her bed had been empty for the last five months.

You closed your eyes trying to hold back the tears that threatened to escape your eyes, a pathetic snivel leaving your nose as you rolled over in your bed, pulling the covers closer to your face hoping to calm the deep sea of emotions that washed through you. You couldn’t explain the numbing sadness that constantly plagued your thoughts and mind, the grey cloud that hung over you was getting harder and harder to hide and why wouldn’t it?

The man you had fallen in love with was currently lying beside another woman.

Your heart squirmed in your chest at the thought of Petra held tightly in Levi’s arms as she slept, his body pressed against hers in ways you had wanted for yourself. You hadn’t noticed the signs of their relationship quickly enough to put yourself on the line and take the man you loved for yourself.

You knew your misery was your own fault, you had waited and waited until it was too late.

There had clearly been signs that Levi had wanted to court you, small smiles were always exchanged as he passed by, in training he would pull you closer to him as he showed you how to properly execute a move, his hands lingering on your body as if he couldn’t get enough of you.

You had spent many late evenings in his office helping him with paper work and just talking about anything and everything, you knew you had fallen for him. You weren’t an idiot, you knew he had liked you too but you were too chicken shit to admit it to him, you feared rejection more then anything especially from Levi, your closest friend. So you hadn’t said anything and soon, the smiles and the overly long feel ups in training had stopped, the late nights talking to him drinking tea had become things of the past.

And now he was with Petra.

You wished you could say you were happy for her but deep down how could you? The day they had announced their relationship had been the most painful day of your life, a dagger had been dragged through your heart and left you a bawling mess behind closed doors. You had seen that Levi had begun to grow more towards Petra, he would smile at her jokes like he had yours and he would keep her close to him outside the wall the way he had done to you.

But you had done nothing.

So now you lay in your cold and empty bed, trying to tame the boiling anger and stormy depression that had been leaching off you for the past five months. You had lost him, you had lost the only person you ever knew you wanted because of you own cowardice.

You felt a tear make it’s way down your cheek, which you quickly wiped away sitting up to regain your self control wiping your blurring eyes as your body shook with suppressed sobs.

Stop crying. This is your fault.

You jumped slightly when the door opened, the darkness of your room filling with warm orange light from the sconces in the corridor. Wiping your face dry before the person could see you glanced up, your eyes met with the big brown orbs of Petra who have you an apologetic look thinking she had woken you up.

“Sorry (y/n), I didn’t mean to wake you.” she said kindly closing the door behind her blocking the light of the candles from entering any further as she stumbled over to her her bed.

“It’s ok, I was already awake.” you mutter reaching for the matches on your bedside table and swiping it against the wooden headboard.

A bright dancing flame suddenly sprung from the top of the small match, the heat seeping into your frozen skin as you held it to the candle on the bedside table, the room cast in dancing orange light letting you have a clear view of Petra who was now lying in her bed a huge lovesick grin on her face as she started twirling a lock of hair. You glowered at her before licking the tips of your thumb and pointer finger and clamping then down over the flame still dancing on the match, the fire hissing as you put it out a small trail of smoke twirling into the air as you tossed the match onto the floor somewhere.

“Thought you would be with Levi the rest of the evening.” You mumbled trying not to look at her dreamy smile that sickened you to the core.

“I came back to keep you company, Levi says you’ve been down these last few months and suggested I try to cheer you up.” she answers sweetly and you try not to roll your eyes, of course he had noticed your sudden depression. He knew you too well.

“I don’t need your pity I’m fine.” you grumble and Petra sighs shaking her head, her mousy locks of hair bouncing around her face.

“You sound just like Levi, no wonder you two are such good friends.”

“Yeah we’re also both stiff hardasses, maybe that’s why.” you sighed and Petra giggled.

“Levi’s amazing (y/n),” Petra said dreamily turning around in her bed to face you, her doe brown eyes soft with adoration and heavenly thoughts.

“Yeah, I’m sure he is.” you reply coldly resisting the urge to again roll your eyes at her new found sappy romance.

You didn’t have anything against Petra, but your jealousy was harder to control then your acceptance. Whether Petra had picked up on your shrewd attitude or not she continued to dote over the man you had grown so fond of.

“He’s so gentle, he’ll hold my hand under the table and he’ll make me cups of tea in morning. I think I might already be in love with him.” she whispered as she sat up in excitement grabbing the bedsheets in tight fists, her eyes sparkling with the concept of her affection.

You didn’t reply, your heart screamed inside your chest causing you to keel over slightly as a wave of heavy torment washed over you.

Levi had used to make tea for you in the morning, you would wake up earlier then the others and you would meet him in the kitchen where he would make the beverage for you and you would sit talking until the others woke up and joined you.

He didn’t do that anymore.

Instead you would come down to the kitchen to see Petra huddled into his side with her own cup of tea that he had made for her. You had stopped going to the kitchen in the morning, instead waiting for one of the others to walk in first and disrupt the couple so you wouldn’t be left with the awkwardness.

“Do you think he’s in love with me?” Petra breathed, you raised an eyebrow. You wanted to say no. But that would be too cruel and you weren’t the type of person to hurt your friends feelings if it meant making you feel better, but you wouldn’t say yes either that would be agonising.

“Maybe.”

“You’re his best friend. Do you think you could subtly ask him?” she asked lightly.

“No.”

“Oh. Ok.”

There was silence for a moment as you hoped she would stop talking about Levi altogether. Petra had been like a lovesick schoolgirl when it came to Levi, she would tell you endless stories about their private time together and you had always begrudgingly listened, always holding back the frustration you felt at every word she said. But now, now you couldn’t take any more of it and it killed you to hear about how amazing Levi was.

Because you knew he was amazing. It was why you had fallen in love with him.

“(Y/n), are you ok?” Petra asked, your body froze for a moment as you bit your lip squeezing your eyes shut trying to stop the anger that was trying to punch its way through. Of course you weren’t ok, but if you told her that she would feel nothing but guilt and she was so happy with Levi. You wouldn’t ruin it for her, you wouldn’t risk upsetting Petra and losing Levi as a friend. Your captain may not have been yours to call your lover, but he was still your best friend and you were grateful to have something of him in your life.

“Yeah Petra, I’m fine. I just need a drink.” you said pulling the covers from your body and pulling yourself off your mattress, your feet making contact with the icy floor as you padded over to the door “I’ll be right back. You can tell me all about it then.”

The girl seemed to instantly perk up, nodding her head with enthusiasm as you gave her a weak smile before opening the door and slipping out into the corridor. Your smile fell as soon as the door closed, you raised your hands to your face as more tears leaked from your eyes, small sobs wracking your body as you leaned your back into the stone wall beside the door, slowly sinking to the floor burying your face in your knees as your eyes expelled months of pent up emotions.

You didn’t know how long you sat there crying for, the cold of the stone floors sending shivers over your skin, your back aching from being pushed into the wall and your eyes raw from the crying. You felt so pathetic crying over something you never had. You never had Levi, he was never yours but you still had his affection. The small moments shared, the banter and the acts of the beginning of a courtship all ripped away like the pages of a book and forgotten.

He no longer looked at you with hidden feelings, he looked at Petra that way instead.

He no longer made sure that you were ok after a mission, he did that to Petra.

He no longer stared at you from across the room his cheeks rising with a faint blush, he now stared at Petra.

A pained moan escaped your lips as the pain only intensified. God he was so perfect and he was so far from your reach, he had been in your reach for years and you had never acted on your feelings for him. You were afraid you would ruin your friendship with him, but now it seemed you would rather have risked the friendship then have lost any chance with him, if only you hadn’t been so engulfed in your own anxiety you could be the one sneaking back into the room late at night and gushing over your new found romance.

Instead you were sat in an empty corridor crying.

“Oi.”

You visibly flinched at that voice. You raised your head out from your knees to see Levi’s silver eyes staring down at you, his ebony hair falling into his eyes and his face resembling a look of concern as he gazed down at you, his jacket and ascot had been removed and his shirt was unbuttoned slightly showing his toned pectorals to you. You tried to hide the flush of pink that had risen in your cheeks.

You stared at him for a while biting your lip trying to form sentences. Another wave of tears began to track down your already damp cheeks at the sight of him, he was so beautiful it made you want to scream. You noticed that his usual deadpan expression had shifted to one of utter concern and worry at the sight of you crying that it broke your heart even more.

Embarrassed at your tears, you quickly stood up avoiding his steely gaze your heart hammering in your chest, your news weak from anxious fear. You couldn’t look at him right now, it hurt too much so you decided to walk away leaving him stood there in shock as you tried to escape the situation. You weren’t surprised to hear footsteps following close behind as Levi called out your name in desperation, you ignored him and continued to walk slowly away from him waddling your arms around yourself as more tears ran down your cheeks and onto the floor.

He isn’t yours. He isn’t yours. He isn’t yours.

The words continued to play over and over in your head trying to keep back the urge you had to stop and confront him. If you confront him you knew you would really lose him, he wouldn’t do be your friend or your lover, he would just be Captain Levi and that would really the undoing for you.

You released a yelp as you felt a hand wrap around your wrist pulling you sharply backwards and slamming you into the Capatain who wrapped his arms around you pinning you into him preventing any escape.

It wouldn’t have mattered, you were too exhausted to fight him.

“Levi let me go.” you whispered not ignoring the way his body felt against you, his breaths falling against your neck as he held you into him, your back presses into his chest. You lowered your head, you hair falling around your face to hide the tears.

“Tch, you’re not going anywhere until you tell me what’s wrong.” he ordered, his arms still tightly around you, as you tried to squirm away from him only to fall limp in his hold.

“There’s nothing wrong with me jackass now let me go.” you hissed.

Levi arched an eyebrow at your lame excuses and attemptes to break free. He meant what he said, you weren’t going anywhere until you told him what it was or who it was that had made you cry like this. He had noticed your gradual decline in enthusiasm over the last five months and apart of him had thought it was because he was dating Petra. But you had never shown any signs of feeling the same way for him so he had brushed it off without another thought, but the sight of you crying alone in the corridor had destroyed him slightly.

Maybe he didn’t feel things for you the same way he had before but he still cared for you more the anyone, even Petra. Just because he was romantically involved with Petra that didn’t mean you had suddenly moved down a spot on his list of favourites, you would always hold the top spot.

Maybe that was because he still secretly knew he was in love with you. But you hadn’t shown any want for him so he wouldn’t do the same for you either.

“Come on.” he muttered letting his arms fall back to his sides before taking your hand in his, a small glare flew across your face as you tried to pull yourself free but his grip was too strong. Your eyes widened as you noticed he was pulling in the direction of his office and you desperately tried to pull away, if you entered his office he would lock the door and keep you there until you spoke to him. You knew him too well.

“No Levi stop!” you protested as he pulled you with him making it to his door and unlocking it, only to throw you a cold glare as he threw inside and locked it behind him.

You stumbled into his office tripping on the rug that lay in the middle of the floor and crashed into the desk, papers flying everywhere like a thousand white doves as they circled the office before slowly falling to the ground. You wheezed slightly from the impact and shakily stood to your feet to glare at the man who stood before blocking the door, an animalistic growl left your lips as you flared your nostrils in anger, your fists clenched at his actions.

He only stood with his usual bored expression, arms folded and his eyes glazed over with a dull exasperated glint. You noticed him pull the key from the lock and place it in his trouser pocket giving you a sly smirk as he made his way to his desk and sat himself into his office chair.

You knew he wanted you to sit down on the chair opposite his side of the desk, but you crossed your arms definitely trying to make him grow annoyed by your childish antics and give up. You should have known he would win, after a while of standing and glaring you eventually let your body fall into the chair beside you, your body tried relaxing into the jade fabric of the seating pillow.

Levi sat in silence for a while, watching as you tried to avoid his authoritative gaze, he let his wander your heaving chest and roam over the white nightdress you wore that didn’t leave much to the imagination. He inhaled sharply pressing his eyes closed trying to contain his improper thoughts, he was with Petra and no matter how much he wished you had fallen for him the way he had you, he was still loyal to the woman he was currently courting.

“Do you think you will tell me now why you were crying? It’s not exactly normal to be in the corridors at midnight, bawling your eyes out like a shitty little baby.” he drawled his half lidded eyes watching you carefully.

“It’s really none of your business.” you mumbled raising your head to meet his as unfallen tears sparkles over the surface of your (y/e/c) eyes. Levi felt the breath hitch in his throat as a single tear rolled down your pretty face his own heart clenching in guilt.

“Tch. How stupid do you think I am you idiot? Now talk. Or do I have to make you?”

“Could you just leave me alone?!” you yelled standing up so violently from your chair it flew backwards across the room, your hand slamming into the desk Levi didn’t even flinch “I don’t see why you even care when I’m not even yours to care about!”

“What are you talking about?” Levi asked his eyes having widened slightly “of course I care about you brat.”

You shook your head, a small chuckle escaping your lips as the tears continued to fall, your body trembling as all the baggage from the months of silent pain were finally beginning to reach the brim and break the barrier you had built. The agony of Levi’s small acts of affection being given to someone else ate you away every day, you missed the attention he gave you, you missed the private moments stolen away with him when he called you to his office to keep him company. You hadn’t noticed his motivations until he had started acting the same way to Petra, and now you had nothing left to lose.

“Why Levi?” you whispered “why would you lead me on like that only to fall for Petra? How did you sweep me right off my feet and then leave me a broken mess?”

“What are talking about?” he asked again quietly, his heart hammering in his chest as you wiped your eyes dry, the dull ache spreading from your chest and numbing your limbs making you sway.

“You Levi, I’m talking about you. You making me care for you with your fucking tea and your touch and calling me into your office to keep you company. You made me fall in love with you and now you’re all I think about! I can’t breathe without my mind racing back to you and it’s driving me crazy. I see the way you look at her the way you looked at me, I see you smile at her stupid jokes the way you smiled at mine and I can take it. I’m in love with you and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Levi was quiet. So quiet you feared you had given him some kind of heart attack, it wasn’t until he exhaled and closed his eyes that you finally realised what you had done. Your bottom lip trembled as you stated at him waiting for him to talk, you didn’t know what you would do if he didn’t say anything.

Levi’s mind had stopped working. All he could do was sit with closed eyes trying to block the sight of you crying infront of him to help ease the numb pain that had spread throughout his chest.

So you were in love with him?

He would never have guessed, he would have never actually thought that his weak attempts at trying to get your attention had actually amounted to anything other then a close friendship and some pleasant memories. He had tried so hard to get you to feel the same way for him, he feared he had put his heart on the line too thoughtlessly so he had backed off, deciding you weren’t interested and suddenly as he slowly retreated his gestures of affection his eyes had landed on Petra.

He didn’t know if Petra was a rebound or some form of acceptance where you had denied him, but he knew that he was in love with Petra and you. The only difference was Petra hadn’t brushed off his attraction like you had.

“How long?” he finally asked, his voice low his eyes remained shut.

“What?” you asked through your tears, his eyes opened and he glared at you.

“How long have you been in love with me (y/n)?”

“Two years.”

“Two years?”

“Yes.”

He inhaled sharply, the air catching in his throat as he swallowed a lump that had clogged his airway as he struggled with the urge to scream and cry at you.

Two years?

That was before he tried to gain your affection, you had loved him before he even knew he was in love with you. A low growl escaped his lips as his own fists now clenched into tight balls, his head lowered and his onyx hair falling into his eyes hiding the pain they held.

“You’re too late.” he breathed raising his head to look at you, your heart breaking even more as you saw the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes “I’m with Petra.”

“I know.” you choked on your own tears as you remained perfectly still just letting the salty tears continue to roll down your cheeks not bothering to hide them anymore “I know you are. I’m happy for you.”

“No you’re not. I knew something was wrong with you these last months. I never thought it was about my affiliations. Why didn’t you tell me how you felt?” his voice broke slightly letting his mom caring composure break but he caught himself quickly, he was good at that.

“I thought you wouldn’t feel the same way. I thought you would laugh at me or something I was terrified of your rejection Levi.” you whispered.

He seemed to chuckle slightly at your words, his shoulders shaking in what you could only assume was mock laughter. You stepped back, put off by his out of character display of anxious and stricken laughter, it wasn’t a nice noise to hear either. It was dark , clouded with pent up pain and his own conflicting emotions. You could almost hear the desperation deep through the layers of cynical taunts his chuckling held, it frightened you.

Then it stopped and he was quiet.

“ I am laughing. But not at your confession, I’m laughing because of your timing. Shit. (Y/n) you really fucked this up.” he said, his voice now expressionless the taunting laughter from earlier having disappeared to be replaced with his monotone voice.

“I’m sorry.” you whispered, he stared at you through bored eyes.

“You don’t get to be sorry.”

“Levi I…”

“No!” he barks standing up from his chair so abruptly it made you step backwards in fear and fall to the floor landing with a yelp.

Your wrist screaming in pain as you roughly landed on it, the sound of bones crunching making you wince. You looked up to see Levi stood over you by his desk, his eyes held a dangerous edge and for the first time in your life you felt unsafe with him, you shook with anxiety, your wrist throbbing but you didn’t care.

“I tried to show you I wanted you. I tried to display my affection, I stepped out of my comfort zone all to show you I cared for you more then you realised. For months I put my myself out there, I had never done anything like that and it scared the shit out of me.” he stopped for a moment his eyes glancing over your stricken form on the floor; his nose scrunching up to sneer slightly “now look at you. Snivelling on the floor like some spoilt brat who didn’t get their way. It’s pathetic, you were too chicken shit to come and tell me how you felt until you couldn’t have me anymore. I’m glad I’m with Petra.”

“You don’t mean that.” you whispered slowly getting to your feet leaning on a book case for support as you found your wits again glaring at him from under your hair, a new found calm beneath your surface “I know you don’t mean that you jackass, I can see it on your face. You’re right in choosing Petra, at least she’s brave enough to admit she loves you. But please tell me: are you still in love with me?”

Yes. Yes he was.

“No.”

Your eyes widened and your pushed yourself off the bookshelf to stare at Levi who had his arms folded, a silent tear sliding down his pale cheek as he looked away from you his jaw clenching. The pain he was feeling etched into the tense posture he held, his foggy irises shifted to stare at you from the corner of his narrow eyes; his cheeks streaked with tears as he pushed you away, his heart yearning to be heard over his own stubborn pride.

“So you’re not in love with me anymore?” you ask quietly, he only stares at you for the longest time and for a moment you think he’s going to say that he was still in love with you.

He almost did.

“No. I’m not in love with you.”

You inhaled sharply, the air almost being sucked from your lungs at his words. Your face burned with hot tears as Levi shifted his gaze from you once more and moved back to his office chair and sat himself down in it.

“Can we still be friends?” you ask softly wrapping your arms around you thin body to provide some sort of comfort to yourself.

“I don’t see how we can.”

“Levi please don’t shut me out. You’ll only make this worse, please.”

“Tell me that things can go straight back to normal once you walk out that door. Tell me you won’t be in pain whenever you see Petra and I together. I can’t do that to you.”

“No please Levi, whatever you say or do someone will get hurt I don’t care if it’s me but please don’t push me away.” you whispered your voice trembling and breaking “you’re my best friend.”

“I know.” he choked, the tears building in his eyes “I know you are.”

“I can get over you I know I can, you got over me. If I fell out of love with you we can carry on as normal.” you begged as you walked over to the other side of his desk, glaring at him intently, determined not to lose him.

He only stared back at you with his deadpan expression but you could see the tears forming in the corner of his eyes.

“You can’t get over me.” he drawled.

“Yes I can.”

“No you can’t.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I never got over you!”

You paused for a moment, your heart palpitations increasing rapidly in your chest as Levi avoided your gaze.

“You didn’t.”

He shook his head and your heart fluttered in your chest, the new found giddiness didn’t last long though.

“But I know that whatever feelings I had for you before, I have them for Petra too. I know I love you, whether it’s as friend or partner I don’t know, I do know that things between us won’t be the same and I know that I’m happy with Petra. So maybe we should just…”

“No. No Levi you can’t do this. This isn’t like you, you would never do this to your friend please.”

“I’m doing this for your own good brat. You don’t think this isn’t killing me on the inside too? I’ve waited for so long to hear you say you fell in love with me and when you do it’s too late.” he sighed and ran a hand over his face leaving it to hover over his eyes to hide his falling tears from you “I’m transferring you to Hange’s squad…”

“What?”

“Until we both forget about our feelings for each other I think it would be best. I can’t risk Petra’s heart break in all of this.”

“But you would risk mine?”

Levi moves is hand away briefly and you could now see the tears that were quietly sliding down his face, his usual stoic persona chased away by the heart shattering pain he was experiencing. He couldn’t have you around him knowing that you were in love with him, he knew he would fall right back in love with you too and he wouldn’t do that to Petra. You would be with Hange until you and gotten over him and he you.

“Levi pl-no I…I’m on your squad I have friends here. Please don’t…”

“Can’t you see I’m doing this for both of us?” he partially growled his eyes flashing with brief anger “I’m in love with Petra not you.”

Lies.

The breath hitched in your throat as you closed your eyes, your mind screaming at you to run and save yourself the pain. But your feet remained firmly planted on the floor trying to fight for your friendship, you didn’t care that he was in love with Petra you could get over that, but you couldn’t get over the hurt he was chasing you by pushing you away so cruelly.

“Can I come back to your squad?” you whisper.

“Eventually.”

“What will you tell the others?”

He thought for a moment.

“That Hange required an extra pair of hands for a while and I chose you.”

You nodded weakly . You knew you would never get over Levi, if you ever returned your bond with him would never be the same and that would kill you even more.

Eight years of friendship had been destroyed by a single moment. It was as you had feared.

“I don’t think I will come back. I think whatever we had before, I think it’s gone.” you whispered.

“I think so too.”

You couldn’t look at him anymore, you turned your gaze onto the floor and turned away. Your legs shaky with each step as your heart hammered in your chest; eyes raw with tears that still continued to grace your face. Your bare feet no longer feeling the cold of the stone floor as you made it to his door reaching out for the latch, stopping briefly.

“Key.” you said quietly.

You heard him move briefly before the sound of metal pining reached your ears. Not even looking, you held out a hand to catch the key that had been launched in your direction, the brass cool in your fingers as you slid it into the lock and clicked it open.

You lifted the latch and swung the door open a crack, only stopping when you realised this would be the last time you saw him for a long time. Mustering all the remaining courage you had, you turned around to face him. He was still sat in his chair but his demeanour faltered, his eyes glistening and his lips slightly parted as his own pain took shape.

“I’ll never stop caring for you Levi, you’re still my best friend.” you breathed, he nodded “I hope we can get things back to normal but I don’t know if we can. I’ll get my things ready and move in the morning.”

“I think that would be best. I hope you know this doesn’t mean I’ve stopped caring about you, but we need space.”

You nodded and turned away from him opening the door wider and beginning to step out, you were halfway through when Levi spoke again.

“Someone will love you (y/n), but that someone isn’t me.”

You squeezed your eyes shut holding back a stifled moan closing the door quietly behind you.

“Goodbye Levi.”

…


	2. Lost me part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its been a year since you joined Hange’s squad, you and Levi talk after he saves you from the female titan.

Disclaimer: I 👏🏼 don’t 👏🏼 own 👏🏼 Attack 👏🏼 on 👏🏼 Titan 👏🏼 I 👏🏼 Hate 👏🏼Myself 👏🏼 Everyday 👏🏼 because 👏🏼 of 👏🏼 it 👏🏼

Warnings: angst, death mentions, swearing

Please don’t repost, 

Levi X reader

The walk back through the village of Wall Rose was quiet. The faces of the returning Survey Corp members etched with shame and misery, their eyes holding the secrets about the horrors they had witnessed from outside the safety of the walls. Their horses’ hooves was the only sound as they trudged up the cobbled streets, the soldiers defeated and shattered by the previous events, their fellow teammates having been left behind, the bodies retrieved from the forests now lying in unmarked graves.

The villagers looked on with grim faces, their whispers not going unnoticed about how many had not returned with the fray, their condescending looks stained into the minds of every soldier who had returned home. The atmosphere brimming with judgement and criticism at the failure of their first line of defence, only making the defeated soldiers sink lower into their shame.

You were one of the few who had returned home in one piece, your hood pulled high over your head to hide your watering eyes, trying your hardest to ignore the whispers that followed behind you. You clutched the reins of Levi’s horse tighter in your hands, your own horse having been slaughtered outside the wall, a heavy weight pressing agasint your chest as your gaze bor through the horses neck; trying to avoid the looks of the unimpressed civilians and the sight of the captain walking beside you one hand on the bit of his horses bridle guiding the beast for you.

You couldn’t look at him. After what he had done you didn’t think you could ever look at him again.

The weight on your chest only pushed harder when your mind flashed with the memories of what had happened hours ago.

The female titan. She had appeared out of no where and taken down almost half the soldiers in an instant, the tyrannical monster had been unrelenting in her search for Eren. You could still hear the screams of your squad mates as they were crushed against the trees of the forest, their blood staining the sky and the emerald leaves as the female titan continued her rampage.

You had been helping Squad Levi protect Eren, not that you were particularly happy about it, it had been a year since you had seen Levi since your debacle and even now as he lead his horse with you on its back, it still stung to remember the night you had left him and your friends. The others had been thrilled you were coming with them, you had plastered the fake smile on your face and gotten on with the job. Riding through the forest surrounded by your old squad mates with Yeager in the middle trying to make it to the other side, had gone smoothly for a few minutes it looked like you would make it out, when she had appeared.

The female titan has sprung upon your group and had started a mad dash after you. Eren has trusted the soldiers around him to take the demon down. Once in the air it hadn’t taken long for the Titan to swat your friends like flies, their bodies flattened against the forest floors, their faces resembling the fear they had felt as they had crashed into the surrounding area, their cries of terror running through your head.

But that hadn’t been the worst of it. Seeing your friends perish before your eyes was just the tip of the ice berg for your new found disposition.

Petra.

It hurt to even think of her. You squeezed your eyes shut as hot tears slid from under your eyelids and down your cheeks. You shouldn’t be alive, it should’ve been Petra sitting here not you, the guilt was soul breaking, your eyes stinging with salty tears as the memory played on an unwanted repeat through your brain.

You had been in the air with the others trying your hardest to fight off the female titan’s attacks, trying to push past the torture of seeing your friends die. It was just you and Petra left to defend Eren, you could remember flying beside her as you weaved between the trees dodging the attacks thrown at you, you had thought it would be ok.

You thought you could both make it out alive.

But thoughts are often wrong and the female titan had swiped her hand at you and Petra with such speed it was impossible to avoid. You could recall the absolute fright at the sight of your inevitable demise only meters from you, the bone chilling feeling of certain hopelessness had shaken you beyond anything you had ever felt before as the femal titans hand had gotten closer.

And then you had seen Levi. He had dropped out of the sky like a fallen angel and was coming to save one of you, his ODM gear whizzing past you as he latched it into a tree ready to pull someone out of the way. You had already known that Petra would be surviving this, the money you had had heard Levi shout and seen him come speeding towards her you had known it would be you who perished. You wouldn’t have minded if he chose her, it would have only been fair. He chose her once he would do it again.

So when you had felt Levi’s body smash into yours, his arms wrapping around your torso as he pulled you away from the immanent danger, your eyes had locked with Petra’s as you were ripped away from her side, her boyfriend who clung fiercely to you as he swung you away leaving her behind.

The look in Petra’s eyes had shattered you, the pain and betrayal was not enough to describe what you had seen in her doe brown hues, the surface of her eyes sparkling with tears as she watched her lover save another woman. Her lips parted in shock and her eyes wide as she was left to die. Her scream of agony cut short as the female titans hands connected with Petra’s tiny body sending the scout flying backwards and into a tree. The crunch of her neck bending back on itself as it connected to a tree was haunting, you saw her body slide down the bark leaving a scarlet trail if blood as she fell the floor, your body shaking from the safety of Levi’s arms as he landed on a branch not daring himself to look at his fallen girlfriend.

You had stood trembling in his arms for a while, the both of you frozen with shock and torment.

Even as you sat quietly on his horse within the safety of the walls, the look in Petra’s eyes was all you could think about. You had never seen a pair of eyes resonate with so much hurt and broken trust, the panic overwhelming as she realised that she would be the one dying.

You release a sniffle from under your hood reaching a hand up to wipe your cheek dry of tears. Levi watched you from the corner of his eye, his own hood pulled over his head to hide his shame.

He had known who he was going to save the moment he had jumped in the way of the female titan’s hand. He had already decided on who would be coming home with him, the choice hadn’t been easy to say the least. Save the the woman he had said he had been in love with everyday for a year. Or save the girl he had once harboured feelings for, the girl he had told everything to, the girl he had spent late nights with bantering and filling out paper work with. The girl he had let go because he was to stubborn to admit he loved, He had chosen Petra over you once, and despite the logic and ethics and the morals, his mind wouldn’t let him choose her over you again.

And so now he was left to his own thoughts as he walked through the streets, his horse walking calmly behind him trying his hardest not to steal a look at you and see how you were feeling. He was of course torn up over having lost the entirety of his squad, his eyes hardened as he held back his tears. He wasn’t going to go cry. He would deal with the grief later, like he always had he would push and push against his emotions until he was numb.

“Captain Levi!”

Levi didn’t stop walking but he looked up to see a middle aged man with bright eyes and a cheerful face, in his hand was a letter which he recognised to be Petra’s handwriting.

“My daughter is on your squad. I’m Petra’s father.”

You felt your heart lurch in your chest more tears sliding down your face. This was her father? Guilt was not enough to express the way you felt, you had been saved instead of his daughter by her boyfriend, the person who Petra’s father was supposed to trust the most with his daughter had let her die to save an old flame. You had never felt so out of place more then ever before, Petra should have been the one to be pulled into Levi’s arms and swept away from the jaws of death. You hid further into the shadows of your cloak hood not daring to look up and stare Petra’s father in the eyes.

“Before she sees me I wanted to talk to you,” Petra’s father continued as he followed beside Levi “she sent me this letter. She mentioned you respected her abilities enough to let her join your squad. That she was going to devote herself to you. Well I guess she was too starry-eyed to consider how her father feels. Well as her father I think it’s too early for her to marry. She’s still so young with not much experience, I would hate for her to…”

Levi wasn’t listening anymore. His mind had shut out what the man was saying as he tried to suppress his sea of emotions. How could he tell him that his daughter was dead? And that it was because of him. Her father was optimistic that his daughter was safe, he clearly trusted Levi with Petra’s life and he had failed. His eyes darkened as the man continued to talk, his fists clenched by his sides under his cloak as he kept his jaw set tightly his vision blurring with tears that were quickly forgotten.

You sat in silence the whole way back, not even looking back as Petra’s father was left behind. Just like his daughter.

…

The evening eventually rolled around.

You had shut yourself away in your room, it wasn’t like you had any of your squad members left to converse with. They had been wiped out by the female titan along with your old squad.

You sighed falling back into the pillows if your unmade bed, something Levi would have previously berated and punished you for. It had been a year since you had left the squad, a year since Levi had denied your feelings for him and kicked you from the squad you had built a family from. Eld, Oluo, Gunther and Petra has tried to talk to you whenever they saw you in the corridors hoping you would soon return but you had shrugged them off; your pride hurt and ego bruised. You had brushed them off so much that after a few months they had stopped trying to rekindle whatever form of a relationship they had had with you.

You rolled over on your bed burying your face into the welcoming depths of your pillow, closing your eyes and trying to ease your racing thoughts as your sore body relaxed into the mattress below. The ambience of the quiet room helped ease the growing ache in your chest for the first time since returning back.

Every time you closed your eyes you could see Petra’s face. The seconds of multiple emotions frozen in her eyes before she was crushed against the tree would torment you for the rest of your life, her father’s cries for Levi to answer him as he had walked away was burned into your brain and the weight that had once been pushing against you was now completely weighing on you. Contradicting you to lift the guilt and the hurt from your shoulders.

You hadn’t felt the tears burn your eyes until they slid down your cheeks and made the pillow case damp. You let your eyes flutter open sitting up to wipe the tear streaks from your cheeks. Why were you the one crying? Levi had saved you instead of his lover, you were home safe she was not. What the hell were you crying about?

You were cut from your internal berating by a heavy knock on the door. You jumped slightly at the harsh knocking and hesitated to get out of bed, you really didn’t want to be disturbed, you just wanted to lie in your bed sheets and try to sleep away this nightmare of a day. But you were curious as to who was behind the door, who could possibly be in the mood to socialise after such a shit day?

Begrudgingly, you swung your legs over the side of the bed and stood up, your boots heavy against the stone floor as you made your way towards the door reaching a hand out to lift the latch with a click and twist the door knob to open the door.

Your eyes widened when they met the silver irises of Levi. Your first instinct had been to slam the door closed in his face, too angered by his actions to even look at him. The pain he had caused you, the decision to let Petra die instead of you even after choosing to love her over you was infuriating. If he hadn’t wanted you why had he saved you? Why had he cut you out of his life only to swoop in and play hero? You could have turned him away, and you were about to. But something about him, something in his eyes made you realise that he wasn’t ok, that beneath his deadpan expression he was suffering as much as you were.

You had seen this expression countless times on him in the past. After a bad mission or whenever he was feeling down about the losses he had suffered, he would call you to his office to keep him company and to get everything off his chest. He had trusted you enough to openly cry in front of you without the feeling of being childish ever daunting him. You could see in his dead pan expression, his eyes dark and his lips set in a straight line that he needed your shoulder again.

You sighed stepping aside to let him pass through the doorway and into your room. He didn’t say anything a he walked past you, you watched him enter your once shared bedroom with your female teammates he stopped briefly at your unmade bed. You used to smile at his distaste for messiness, but now there was no glimmer of humour as you watched him stare at your messy bed sheets.

“This room is a shitty mess.” he said, his voice quiet as he leaned over your bed and pulled the bed sheets back to begin making it up.

“What are you doing here Levi?” you ask letting your eyes slip into a narrowed glare as you closed the door, it shut with a soft click and you remained by the door.

Levi was quiet for a moment as he tucked the mattress cover under the mattress and ironed out the creases with his hands, grabbing the pillows and positioned them at the head of the bed fluffing them up. He didn’t look at you as he continued to make your bed and you didn’t bother stopping him either, cleaning was how he coped with grief. You may not be on good terms with him at the moment but you still knew him better then he knew himself. You would let him do whatever he needed to vent.

It was quiet as the captain finished making your bed, pulling the sheets over the mattress and running his hand over the quilt to straighten out any creases, the material smooth beneath his fingers as he finished off. In all honestly he didn’t know what he was doing here, with you. He had stood outside your bedroom door for twenty minutes contemplating whether or not to knock, to open the wound he had thought had healed. But he needed someone like you to talk to, he needed to explain his actions you would have asked him about sooner or later. He figured why not sooner?

He huffed as he stood up, satisfied with his work looking over his shoulder at you, his grey irises sliding into the corner of his eye to stare at you. His ebony hair falling over his face as he turned around to face you. The breath hitches in your throat as his eyes locked with yours, you could see the walls breaking, you could see the tears trace the surface.

“You deserve an explanation.” he said, his voice although strong was betrayed by his glistening eyes.

“I think so too. Are you going to tell me what the fuck happened?” you growled your glare hardening “what kind of fucked up shit was that Levi? You reject me. You push me away from you and my friends. You let me get used to not having you in my life and then you pull that…that….what the hell is wrong with you!”

Your shaking now, hot anger flashing through you as you try to form words other then cusses. He keeps his emotionless expression but his lips have parted slightly and his eyes had visibly widened as listened to your yells of outrage. He could see your irises quiver as tears spill from your eyes, your face growing red from the torment he’s caused you. His own heart aching in his chest as he watched you cry in front of him, his own tears sliding down his cheeks as he turned his face away from you, closing his eyes and letting the tears slip out one by one.

“I don’t know. I don’t know what the hell happened.” he answered, you glowered at him from underneath your tears letting your gaze drop to the floor as he tirned his gaze back to you “I saw you and Petra and I made a choice.”

“Yeah the wrong choice!” you barked snapping your head up to look at him, your hair flying around your face at the action, your eyes raw as the waterfall of tears cascades down your burning cheeks “you were supposed to choose her Levi! Like you did last time! You were supposed to choose her over me and let me die!”

“I couldn’t do that you idiot!” Levi snapped causing you to freeze momentarily, his chest fell and rose with angered breaths the tears still falling slowly from his pale face “I couldn’t choose her again. Not this time. I chose you and I didn’t even know what I had done before I’d done it.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat, your legs growing weak as you fell back into the door desperate sobs leaving your lips as you slid down the door to sit on the floor brining your legs up and burying your face into your knees. The same way you had the night that Levi rejected you, your tear streaked face hidden from his sight as you wept. How had it gotten to this? How had you gone from being best friends to hating the sight of his face? How had he caused you so much pain and yet you still felt such a pull toward him? You knew you still cared for him of course you did, but you had gotten so used to the numbness he had caused you that you had grown used to not feeling anything. Seeing him here crying in front of you as if nothing had changed was gut wrenching, feelings you had long repressed were beginning to make an appearance and there was nothing you could do to stop them.

“Do you regret saving me?” you ask quietly raising your head to look at him, he visibly stiffens but sighs closing his eyes and turning his face downward slightly.

“No.”

You nod biting your lip closing your eyes to try and slow the flow of tears. You shuffle over and pat the ground beside you, Levi doesn’t move for a moment but walks over to the door where you are sat to join you. He lowers himself to the floor to sit beside you, one leg bent to rest his hand on, the other out straight in front of him as he stares straight ahead. You feel him move beside you and his shoulder pressed into yours slightly as he sits quietly beside you, both your backs pressed into the hard wood of the door. You tried to contain the urge to lash out and punch him still angry at what he had done. But you restrained it.

He still smelt the same, the light scent of peppermint and leather filling your nose reawakening memories of moments like this in the past. When the days had been kinder. When you and him had been on better terms.

“I understand if you hate me.” he said quietly from beside you, giving you a brief side eye before turning his gaze back to the floor.

“I don’t hate you. I couldn’t if I wanted to.” you reply sighing and running a hand over your face and through your hair, resting your head on the door “I just hate all the hurt that you put me through.”

“I’m sorry.” he answered his voice cracking slightly but not enough for you to notice, you huffed as if exasperated by his words.

“I really missed you.” you whisper wiping the persistent tears from your cheeks and inhaling a shaky breath.

Levi’s eyes widen slightly and he turns his head to look at the side of your face the tears still sliding down his face. You kept your eyes dead ahead, you knew that if you looked at him you wouldn’t say what you wanted to, the pain would only get worse.

“I missed having you as my friend and superior. I missed our late nights in your office, I missed our early morning tea before the others woke up. I missed being apart of your family.”

“I missed you too.” he replied running a hand through the front of his hair, pulling the loose strands away from your eyes and holding his hand in his ebony locks tugging on the roots slightly “for the first few months it was difficult to adjust. Petra tried her hardest to help but it felt like she was trying to replace what you and I had. It was a pain in the ass to see you from across a room and pretend to ignore you. I hated myself for it, to see the hurt on your face.”

You nodded. You could remember the agony you had felt when you saw Squad Levi from across the dining hall, eating and laughing with eachother so freely without you that you had grown bitter watching them. You had ignored their smiles as they passed you in the corridors, you had tried your hardest to block them out that eventually they gave up trying. Now they were gone, and you couldn’t apologise for your closed off behaviour.

“What happened to us Levi?” you whisper lazily turning your face to him your head still resting on the door your tears slowly drying up “we used to be inseparable. We could tell eachother everything.”

“Maybe that was the problem.” he answered his eyes half lidded and face softly set any aggression having vanished as he let his hand slide out from his hair, the onyx locks bouncing back over his eyes “maybe we told eachother too much.”

“Maybe.”

It falls quiet again.

You don’t know if it’s the exhaustion from the events of the day, or the heart ache or the overall depression that had perched itself on your shoulders but you didn’t care what happened next. You let your head fall onto Levi’s shoulder, your hair falling around your face as you used him as a pillow. Levi stiffened at first, unsure of what to do, he wouldn’t deny it felt good that you trusted him enough again to allow such an action to be carried out. He wasn’t going to shrug you off, he knew you were both vulnerable at this moment and that you needed him as much as he needed you. So he let his own head fall ontop of yours, his eyes closing as he buried his nose into your hair letting himself allow a moment of relaxation. Like old days.

“I can still see her face Levi.” you whisper pressing your face further into his broad shoulder, his jacket cool against your flush skin “her eyes. It had to be the most heart breaking thing I had ever seen. Her eyes were filed with a thousand thoughts, she was scared and hurt. Levi she died after seeing her love save someone else.She watched you save me instead of her, her face was…”

You trailed off biting your lip as fat tears rolled down your cheeks, your body shaking from soft sobs as you wept onto his shoulder. Levi kept his head ontop of yours, his own tears falling from his eyes as he cautiously wrapped an arm around your shoulders and when you didn’t pull away he relaxed and pulled you closer into his side. Just letting you cry.

“Levi why…why did you do this?” you whisper into his neck “do you like ripping me apart?”

“You know that’s not true. I never meant to hurt you the way that I did.” he said his voice breaking slightly as his grip around you tightened his eyes raw from the tears.

“Did you love her?” you ask quietly.

He fell quiet again.

Apart of you feared he would say that he hadn’t meant to save you, that he had timed it wrong or that he miscalculated something that an accident had occurred and that he had grabbed you by mistake. That he had meant to save Petra instead. But Levi never got it wrong, when it came to saving lives Levi was accurate and precise. He had saved you for a reason.

“Yes I loved her.” he replied and you felt your heart lurch in your chest at his words and you opened your mouth to reply but he cut you off “I loved her but I wasn’t in love with her. I tried to convince myself I was, that I had gotten over you. But I hadn’t.”

“Why Levi?” you breathed, your cheek still resting on his broad shoulder the tears still marking your face “why now? Why couldn’t you have admitted this all before? When things were still ok.”

“I was angry with you. I was too stubborn to take you when you wanted me.” he answered and you sniffles “I needed to lose you to love me.”

“And you lost me.” you answered.

Levi flinched at your words, tears shining in his eyes as he let his head rest on yours, his jaw clenched as his tears began to slow down. The breath hitching in his throat as you remained sat in silence his arm around you, backs pressed against the door and your head on his shoulder. The bed room’s ambience was like knives to your heart as your eyes quivered as you stared at the empty beds that once belonged to your fallen sisters, never to be used again. You were alone again it seemed.

“There’s no amount of crying I can do that will ever make things ok.” you say your voice cutting the heavy quiet “I thought about you every day. I remember what you said to me and how much the words you said stung, despite that I know I still cared for you. You were still my best friend. Maybe we could have been happy together.”

“Could have been?”

“You called me pathetic for admitting my love too late for you. How can you sit here now and tell me you love me when the woman you chose over me is dead?” you exhale swallowing the pain and continued “you spared Petra’s feelings at the expense of mine that night. Now you spared my life at the expense of hers today. What was it for Levi?”

Levi pulled his head off yours, burying his face into his hand hiding his bloodshot eyes from you, his raven hair falling around his face. You kept your head on his shoulder waiting for his answer. In all truth he didn’t think he would get anything from saving you, he hadn’t wanted to hear you say you loved him he didn’t even expect you to talk to him. He hadn’t wanted to let Petra die but he had to make a difficult choice and youvhad been the answer not matter how much his head has screamed at him to save his girlfriend his hearts wants had screamed louder for him to pull you off deaths doorstep. There was only one outcome that he knew he preferred.

“You stayed alive.” he said softly pulling his face out of his hand to stare at you, his full lips parted as he struggled to fight his urge to cry again “you staying alive was the only outcome I wanted. I’ve done a lot of things wrong loving you being one, but I can’t move on.”

You pulled your face off his shoulder and raked a hand through your hair the last few tears slipping out and gliding across your damp skin.

“A year. I spent a year trying to get over you. Not a day passed that I didn’t miss you, I wanted to come back. I do love you Levi I know I always willl but…fuck. How can I be with someone when the relationship is built on someone else’s death?”

“There won’t ever be a right time for us. Will there?” he asked retracting his arm from around your slim waist and you shook your head.

“I don’t see a way we can avoid hurting eachother again. I won’t tell you I’m lonely, it may be selfish, I won’t ask you to hold me. It won’t mend what’s helpless. There’s nothing I can say that will make this better. I won’t ask you to stay either.” you said pulling away from his side and rising on your shaking legs.

Pain, your heart like stone in your chest as you turned away from him folding your arms as you hide the tears that were resurfacing, your head light from the cruelty of the world.

“I never thought I’d lose you again Levi.” you whispered wiping a hand across your cheek “I want so desperately to call you mine but loving you is a losing game. I can’t look at you without feeling this overwhelming guilt. You were supposed to keep choosing her over me, you forfeited any right to ever choose me over her. She was yours. You were hers. You made the wrong decision. It should be my body left out there to rot.”

Levi felt his heart squirm in his chest as he looked up at you rising to his own feet, his body weak from the exhaustion of the weight of carrying his pent up emotions. His eyes still sparkling. The days of banter, the days of trust and loyalty, the days he had savoured with you were gone. He had hoped for some kind of a second chance but that seeemd impossible now, he would lose you again and this time there would be no second chances. Whatever you had had before was gone, an echo of your once unbreakabke bond.

“I love you Levi so much.” you breath your grip tightening around your toned forearms as you squeezed your eyes shut more tears unleashed down your hot cheeks “I don’t want to but I do. I wanted to be friends again.”

“We still can.”

“No.” you say looking over your shoulder to stare at him, your heart too shattered to be broken anymore at the pained look in his silver eyes “I’m done being hurt by you. You made a dumb mistake. Neither of us have time for this shit. I can’t do this anymore.”

The wound had been ripped open, left to bleed all over the floor. The words he had cut you with you had healed and now he had picked at them until you were vulnerable to him again. You wanted nothing more then to slip back into the days you were flirting, quiet glances and small smiles. A time when the future had still been a mystery and all this pain had been like something from a nightmare. A time when you had been happy with your friends and Levi. A time when the world was normal.

“So this is it?” he asks “this is what everything we’ve been through leads to?”

“It would seem so.” you reply wiping the damp from your face, turning to face him not phased by the tears running down his cheeks.

“I was wrong to say I loved her.”

“I wish somebody told me how painful love could be.” you whisper and he nods.

“This should never have happened. We should be mourning together. Do you regret that night?”

“Yes. I wish I had kept my feelings quiet, I wish that night never happened. Things might be ok. We might be doing this differently. But I can’t do this if all I think about is Petra.”

“Would she want us to do this?” he asked his voice stronger then before “to break all attachment?”

Your glare softened as the breath caught in your throat. You wanted to hug him, to kiss him and tell him it was ok that you would fight this together. That you were sorry for everything. But every time the thought crossed your mind Petra’s lifeless eyes flashed through your mind, her body crushed against the tree and her scarlet blood forever etched into the bark of that tree.

“It doesn’t matter what she would have wanted.” you answer turning your gaze away from him to stop your chest from exploding the pain too intense as the sorrow pushed harder against you and made your lungs cry for air “I just want the old days back. You did this Levi. You have no one to blame but yourself. You told me you hated me that night, I knew that you didn’t mean it, maybe I’m doing the same now but I hate you for this. You dragged me along and made me feel more pain then I could bare. You are the reason I will never be ok. I loved you. I would have done anything for you. I look at you and I can’t….”

Levi was quiet frozen by the door, his fists clenched by his sides as he glared into the stone floor. The tears stilll rolling off his angled face, his heart heavy and numb in his chest as you spoke. Your sobs piercing through him as he held himself strong against the chains you were enacting him in.

This really was the last time. Nothing could be healed now. Once he walked out he door whatever you had with him was over.

“I would save you again (y/n).” he said “we made eachother bleed and I’m sorry. I hope you know I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

“Thank you for the happiest years of my life.” he whispered reaching for the door handle and twisting it open, the orange light from the corridors filling your bedroom with warmth, bathing the cold darkeness. He gave you one last look, inhaling a deep breath before slipping out the door and closing it behind him, the latch softly clicking, leaving you alone in the shell of a room.

A pained moan left your lips as you sunk to the floor, the hard stone cold against your skin as you curled in on yourself hugging your legs to your chest. Uncontrollable sobs wracking your body as you lay crying on the floor in the dark bedroom until you drifted into a deep sleep.

From the side, the eyes of your fallen friends watched as you slept, their own hearts torn in two as they observed you and Levi go your separate ways for the last time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Check out my Tumblr sasageyowrites


End file.
